Mental Warfare
by xBrittany
Summary: Is Lavi truly Lavi? Or is he just another life to live when trying to success a Bookman?   Little LavixLenalee one-sided


**Author's Notes:** This is my first one-shot here on Fanfiction. So, by all means, please correct me or critique my writing. Sorry if this seems short, this was actually the first thing I ever wrote for D. Gray-man when I was 15. Enjoy~!

* * *

_Rippin' my heart was so easy, so easy,_

_Launch your assault now, take it easy._

_Raise your weapon, raise your weapon,_

_One word and it's over. rippin' through like a missile,_

Lavi's mind was not in a good place anymore. But was it ever? Lingering in places it should never had been like friendship, comradeship, ... love. Was it really worth the pain he faced now? Leaving the friends he had known since he was a younger teenager and leaving the woman he'd grown to love was just a mistake. But, he was not going to be 'Lavi' for much longer. He was going to change into a different person. Same outsides, different insides. 'Lavi'. Was this man called 'Lavi' _really _friends with the people around him? Or was it just a mask to hide the fact it would not last very long.

"Lavi." Bookman's voice cut him from his sorrowful thoughts. Emerald eyes blinked away invisible tears as he turned to look at his Grandfather who was no longer wearing his Exorcist uniform.

"Yeah, Gramps?" Lavi's voice stayed solid and strong when he spoke to the elder Bookman.

"It's time to leave now."

_Rippin' through my heart,_

_Rob me of this love._

_Raise your weapon, raise your weapon..._

_And it's over._

As Lavi walked to the underground canal, he saw the woman he loved standing next to Allen who looked... there were no words for this emotion. Allen looked angry, depressed, and confused. The green-haired girl next to him was fidgeting. She appeared to have wanted to speak or give a gesture but nothing happened. For a few moments, Lavi's eyes watched hers for any emotion. Suddenly, her feet ran to him, her arms clasping around his waist. He felt wet droplets falling onto his dark, tan poncho. These clothes were 'Lavi's'. Whose clothes was he to wear next?

"Lavi," she cried into his chest. By now, Bookman was boarding the gondola that was awaiting their departure. She continued to cry into his chest until both Bookman and Allen encouraged Lavi to board the boat. Lenalee was taken from his arms and placed into Allen's who just watched Bookman speak.

"Lavi, we have places to go." the Panda-looking man spoke in a monotone-like voice. Lavi's eyes threatened to make tears but he simply shut his eyes and climbed into the boat. Lenalee's form shook from her crying.

"Lenalee." Allen wrapped his arms around her waist and held her to him.

"A piece of my world is gone." she muttered to herself. Lavi ignored everything around him as Bookman rowed the boat off to the bright tunnel that separated the real world from the Black Order's.

_Love your ego, you won't feel a thing,_

_Always number one, the pen with a bent wrist crooked king,_

_Sign Away our peace, for your war,_

_One word and it's over._

The ship that Lavi and Bookman had boarded was in the midst of a terrible thunderstorm. The waves crashed and shook the ship back and forth in an oddly rhythmic motion. Bookman's cold eyes watched Lavi from their shared room. The red-head was currently watching the waves in the pouring rain.

"That idiot." Bookman mumbled. He scribbled a few more words in his notebook, hopped off the bay window cushion, and grabbed a blanket.

Lavi's mind was in a war; a mental warfare so to speak. He was a moron to think that love and friendship, even comradeship, could form between the people who resided on the earth and those who chose to live the life of a neutral clan of people. His hands clenched around the bars of the ships banister.

The future Bookman's eye had recently been released from the black eyepatch. Bookman said that "it was time that you saw the world with both eyes.". Somehow, Lavi knew this was Bookman's way of telling him it was almost time to prove that he could be a Bookman.

A piece of fabric brushed Lavi's face as it was thrown over his shoulders. He blinked once and turned around to see Bookman's back.

He pulled his lisp into a smile, "Care about me that much, Panda?"

Bookman sighed lightly, "Don't be ridiculous. I can't have a sick apprentice. We have things to do and places to go."

Slowly, Lavi followed after his grandfather into the warm, dry room they were assigned.

_Dropping your bombs now, on all we've built,_

_How does it feel now to watch it burn, burn, burn?_

_Raise Your weapons, raise your weapons..._

_And it's over._

Red and orange were reflecting in the Bookman's eyes. After 3 years of training... he'd done it. He was now an offical Bookman. He watched the flames disappear into the sky but appear back at the bottom of the pit. This wasn't Bookman's idea, nor was it his. It was Lavi's. Lavi's idea was to burn all his memories, his pictures, his everything. The newly awakened Bookman clutched the poncho in his hands were it too was thrown into the bonfire.

Both Bookman watched the fire crumble his life.

"Have you named yourself yet?" Bookman looked at the red-head.

He pondered this for a moment, "Can I go back to the name Deak?"

Bookman blew some of the smoke from his pipe out of his mouth, "Be very cautious. It's dangerous to re-use names."

The new Bookman, Deak, smiled, "Thanks, Gramps."

_Rippin' my heart was so easy, so easy,_

_Launch your assault now, take it easy._

_Raise your weapon, raise your weapon, one word_

_And it's over._

Every night Deak would wake up with Lavi's memories in his dreams. Lenalee, Kanda, Allen, all of them! It hurt to think about them, even though they meant nothing to him now. He was not Lavi. He was Deak. Well, another Deak. This was his 50th alias and it was going to stay that way. He couldn't just turn back time, run back to the Order as Lavi, and love the people around him. That was no longer possible.

Deak frowned and curled back into a sleeping position of his bed. Both his emerald eyes began to shut slightly; he only had to remember one thing:

This was just another fit of confusion, another mental warfare.

_How does it feel now to watch it burn, burn, burn?_


End file.
